This newsletter has had a rough start. I know it. I started it up a year ago, but I haven’t been dedicating it the time it deserves. But you’re just going to have to bear with me here. I’ve been preoccupied with other things.
I’m editing another book right now, and that’s taking up most of my time. A few months ago, I was off the grid entirely while I moved house, got married, and made several trips to the Hawaiian Islands where I did nothing but play in the water and eat great food.
Still, I found time to publish some articles (see a list on my website here). But yeah, really I’ve just been busy with other things.
So, this newsletter hasn’t really been a priority, though I hope to start making it more of one. And now, another name change: “The Accidental Dominatrix.”
Why? Not because I fell “accidentally” into this job or because a man forced me to do it—or even influenced me to do it, which is what too many people unfortunately assume. Zzzzzz….
No. I’m calling my newsletter this because there was an accidental nature to my becoming a domme.
I’m not a lifestyle dominant, nor did I ever mean to work as a pro-domme for as long as I did. Yes, I purposefully chose to become a dominatrix, but only after I “accidentally” ended up writing a column in the voice of one.
When I crossed paths with dommes who proposed I start working this job, I was the one who agreed to learn this craft. However, had I found another job that allowed me to earn the kind of money I did as a dominatrix, working whenever I wanted, picking it up and dropping the gig at will, then I might just as well done that.
That would have been a pity though. From the get-go, it was fascinating to learn about BDSM and fetish. I liked pushing myself out of my comfort zone and trying new things. My life has been deepened by this experience.
Becoming a dominatrix revolutionized my being. It changed the way I think about both male and female sexuality. It completely transformed how I view the sex industry. I became a less judgmental, more open-minded person in general.
And yet, as I said, I never meant to stay in the scene for as long as I did.
Cut to now. I’m no longer working professionally, but my story still matters. I have deep knowledge of this world and have been able to parlay that experience into a job as an expert. My ability to parse BDSM activities intellectually is valuable. But still, my experience is what it is.
I will send out a chapter of my new memoir soon. Look for it in your inbox in the next few days.